I can honestly say that in the past two weeks I am reconsidering my thought that I was getting ready for children. A small dose of in-law interference, the havoc it reeks on my bedmate and I’s stress level, and the tasks of dealing with a puppy are posing a real threat of stress overload. At my wits end of patience I have a moment of pure elation when Sigmund jumps in my lap, rolls over giving me kisses on my face, and snuggles down head on my legs. There is nothing more light heartening than those moments, making any frustration and stress melt away. I remind myself everything isn’t as bad as it seems. “It’s the thing you’ve needed for a long time.” my bedmate says as he watches my face light up and and my soul become light hearted. I can’t disagree.
The past several days I have busied myself with details to wrap up 2012 and begin 2013. Part of that time has found me focusing on what I want for this upcoming year and I have to say I have no idea. Without going into a soliloquy I have not been able to think of a single thing that trips my trigger, sparking me to say “that’s it”. I irrationally blame it on the cold weather knowing full well I’m not motivated. Hoping this isn’t a phase that stays in life I quickly turn an eye the other way and I wait, bored, and a bit impatiently.
It’s the first time in many years I have a notion of wishing I was going to the adult conventions this year. January is the hub nub month for the business and already I have had several industry connections asking if I will be there, reluctantly I tell them no. I know soon I will have to make a trip to see them all, I don’t know when my heart will be into it. I realize one of my struggles is knowing how to appropriately reach out to those wiser for direction and advice when I get a bit down on the industry. Asking for advice, mentoring, and direction has never been a strong suit of mine but perhaps it’s something I will work on this year.
