I reached into the back of the closet fumbling my fingers around in hopes of finding that favorite old hat. Letting my fingers guide my senses I quickly found the familiar feeling of memories, experiences, anticipation, and expectations of what swinging used to be and no longer was. It had been sometime since my bedmate and I have dove back into an experience of meeting new people in the swing community. Even though this had been someone I had encountered in the club some two years ago it was though we were meeting anew. Time had passed, he had gained experience, and now had a non-serious partner in which to explore the pitfalls of the community with. I’m not quite sure what I expected from the encounter but one thing is for certain I did not expect to have a realization of how much porn has changed even the most “thrilling” of sexual avenues. As my beast was being fed I found myself tempted with the ideas of mundane. It wasn’t that the man wasn’t skilled, well endowed, gentle, kind, attentive (everything you would want in an encounter) it was the fact the sex was too vanilla, too ordinary, too routine, and not performing gave me an almost overwhelming sense of uncomfortable awkwardness as I continually exclaimed in satisfaction. An aspect I realized I expected after being around them for twelve hours.
I couldn’t help but wonder what had changed inside of me to make a random sexual encounter that would have the majority of people, even within the lifestyle, on the edge of their seats wanting more. There was only one thought that kept entering my mind as I spread eagle, his head between my thighs, gripping him to ensure the majority of my squirting went into his mouth versus on my couch; Why isn’t this bringing the rush of excitement I once remember it being? Then my emotions were flooded with the exhilaration of performing on film as clips of footage ran through my mind. I’m sure he thought he was doing an amazing job as the sound of exclamation escaped my lips. It’s not that he wasn’t skilled at what he was doing, any girl would have been happy to have had him as a lover, it’s just that… well, how do you put it politely?… the level at which my senses have been stimulated and the extent to which my experiences have presented me has left my body requiring sexual mastery. A mastery of ones own form. I recognized the fulfillment of the evening in which it provided and the beast within me was happy to feed. I would do it again if the opportunity presented itself. Turning it down would be close to sacrilegious but when I pulled that favorite hat out of the back of the closet and dusted the years of storage off I didn’t expect it to have changed from my memory. The truth of the matter is, I put it right back on and walked out the front door just the same.
