A Conversation With Ruby Day (Part One)

Being judged by mere appearance is something beautiful people often fall victim to. Especially if their life is much more exciting than everybody else’s is. And what are you talking about with somebody who has made a big part of her private life public and documented it on her award-winning web site? The answer is given in this three-part interview where Ruby Day and Mason Squelch are reflecting Day’s thoughts about her personal interests (part one), pornography (part two), and the porn industry (part three).

Mason Squelch (MS):    “Ruby Day is an American artist, model, adult performer, director, and producer” says WikiPedia. That is a lot to talk about, but let us begin with something more personal. So, if eyes are the windows to somebody’s soul, then books are probably the window to somebody’s mind. What can we find in your bookshelf, and what are you reading at the moment?

Ruby Day (RD): That’s an ever-changing selection but at the moment I have a photo book of artist Sally Mann, books on polyamory, business, photography, sex positions, French, and American Sign Language.  There’s the Ethical Slut, The story of O, and Religions of the World.  At the moment though I’m reading the Harry Potter series. I’m on the third book.

MS: American Sign Language? Is there a story behind that?

RD:  After working as a Business Analyst for the telecom industry I realised corporate wasn’t a job space for me so I sought out a position within the higher education system.  That’s when I began working for one of the largest junior colleges in the country dealing with federal grant money for a sign language interpreter training department.  Because of my life experience babysitting a deaf child in high school and having a grandfather who was deaf I had an interest in knowing and understanding the deaf community.  My boss was the only hearing person in the department and I would be dealing directly with the deaf community so it was necessary to learn ASL in order to communicate.  I was more than excited to be back in school and working with the student body as well as the deaf community.  It was an amazing experience and still to this day I use ASL from time to time in everyday life.

MS: Religions of the World sounds like an interesting read, too. As an adult performer you certainly meet people who, in the name of religion, challenge both your profession and your personality. How do you deal with such people?

RD:  It truly depends on the way in which others approach me with their, sometimes religious, viewpoints of my profession and my personality.  I understood when I began the journey of self discovery and public expression that not everyone was going to agree with the direction in which my path led me.  Some in fact were going to be hateful, hurtful, and venomous in their disagreeance.  That’s part of  what I understood I would have to bear following what I believed was the right direction for me. It can be a very frightening aspect to accept but what I never imagined was the amount of people who cheered me on for being true to myself despite the people who disagree.  When I have a moment I am faced with rivals of this kind I always remember that the whole reason I’m able to pursue what is right for me is the same reason they are entitled to have their own opinion about what I do; but that does not mean I agree with them.  Doesn’t the mere fact that they challenge my profession and personality go against the fundamental rule of why they are able to have their religious beliefs in the United States, freedom.  Freedom of expression, thought, to believe and worship whatever God they choose.  That fundamental right in this country applies to all and for that reason alone not everyone is going to do, say, or believe in everyone else’s choices.

MS: Working as adult performer who shares a lot of her private life with the public needs a lot of dedication. What made you think: “This is exactly what I want, I just have to do this”? Did this decision mature slowly or was it a moment of sudden insight?

RD:  My entire life has led me to this decision.  It was something that for many years I did everything to avoid.  I tried to fit into the expectations of society, worked a corporate job, was planning for the house with the white picket fence and two and half kids, and lived a life that made me miserable.  One day I decided it was no life to live if I wasn’t happy and part of that meant pursuing a life that society deemed “unacceptable”.  Here I was in a sexually suppressive society being a sexually uninhibited person whose life, no matter how hard I tried to ignore or change it, always ended me up dealing with sex.  I began to realize the harder I fought what was obviously not going to go away in my life the harder life was.  So I stopped fighting it and embraced it. Turning what society made me feel was a weakness into a strength.  Life’s been happier, I’ve been happier since I made that choice.

MS: I guess this decision would have been much more tolerated by people if you were a man. Women deciding upon living out their sexuality are usually considered as immoral, while men are considered to be ‘real men’. What is your survival strategy?

RD:  Pure determination, holding true to myself, a sprinkle of stubbornness, and the pursuit of happiness.

MS: What will you do if the pressure should ever get too big?

RD:  Gods willing the pressure will never get too big and that when life finds them bearing down that I will be given all I need to handle it with the grace it requires.

MS: Months ago French film maker François Ozon told in an interview about his movie (Jeune & Jolie / Young & Beautiful) that beautiful people are subject to pressure due to the big expectations on them. In order to deliver themselves out of this pressure, they would be looking for dangerous things. Would you support this opinion?

RD:  I can see validity in his opinion but I find people deal with pressure in many different ways.  Some eat, some seek adventure, some exercise.  To make the correlation that beautiful people seek dangerous things is a fallacy.

MS: If Ozon was right, what’s your escape from other peoples’ expectations, then?

RD:  To not fall into anyone’s expectation(s) but my own.

MS: In the movie, the main character Isabelle is leading a double life. You obviously don’t: your life is public, you are telling about your experiences in your blog, your Wikipedia article tells us about your sexual preferences and your life in an open relationship. This is disturbing for a lot of people, because sexuality is a part of their private life and usually charged with and connected to emotion. What does sexuality mean to you? Is it a means of communication, a tool for self-experience, or…?

RD:  I don’t believe sexuality has one meaning.  It means many different things to many different people.  Being sexual with someone is charged and connected to emotion in some way shape or form.  That’s part of being human but sexuality for me is a tool for self-expression, it’s a form of communication in an emotional/spiritual means, and it’s a way to address some of the fundamental needs of humanity.

MS: I think this is the very reason why mankind is trying to narrow sexuality down, especially female sexuality. Given a historical context: do you think you have a mission? Or is this your sole and individual decision?

RD: Human sexuality is a discipline I have studied since I was 13 years old.  It has always fascinated me and I have been drawn to it.  The mere definition of mission can be one that is self-imposed so in a way you are asking me the same question.  Perhaps it’s a bit of both mission and individual decision.  I believe we all have a choice in life, to follow what we are meant to do or not.  I chose to follow what my life was telling me I needed to do and through it’s journey I have learned that sexuality is complex.  It is not the one sided version that is portrayed.  Take a look at the sexual revolution of the 60’s, women’s lib, gay movements, or even the male sexual exploration that is happening now.  All of these movements have been complex expressions of individuals as well as a mass of people who share similar sexual beliefs.  Their influence is in our laws, our movies, our music, our literature, our pornography, and in the way we think and perceive others.  Isn’t that what a mission does?  Change our perception.  To be able to influence how people perceive themselves and others is a gift and one that should not be handled lightly.  If in looking back over time my path shows to have positively influenced people’s self perception and others then I would consider myself fortunate to have carried it’s mission.